No Regrets
by Andromakhe
Summary: As Obi-Wan is summoned to Alderaan, Asajj feels his loss. But we all know he has a trick or two in store for her. Companion piece to "Fated Attraction."
1. The Letter

Disclaimer: Characters and situations property of LucasFilm, etc.

Spoilers: Ep IV

A/N: This fic sort of grew out of my other Kentress fics, but I don't think they necessarily need to be read to understand it. Ventress is kind of OOC in this fic, I'm afraid, but if you think in context of her and Obi-Wan being together a while and the fact this is set before Obi-Wan goes with Luke to the Mos Eisley cantina, perhaps it won't be as jarring as it might otherwise be.

As Luke flew home in a panic over his family, Obi-Wan calmly headed down to his cellar, thinking. He replayed Leia's desperate plea in his mind and knew the time had come for him to join the Rebellion and be an active-duty Knight again. He felt a mix of anxiety and exhilaration. Since the Clone Wars, he'd forgotten what it felt like to embark on a mission. Sure, he had a different Padawan now, but the motions would be similar. He knew Luke technically wasn't his Padawan yet, but he knew what Luke would find very shortly.

However, Obi-Wan had one last job to do before all his focus went to Luke's training and mission coordination.

He lay a sheet of flimsy on his workbench, got a pen, and began to write.

Darling,

I write this letter in haste. Soon, I leave for Alderaan. I cannot really explain more, but remember I told you I was interested in the movements of the Rebel Alliance? You were adamant that I should not join, that I'd done enough in the Clone Wars. I said there would likely come a day I'd feel compelled to help, and you grumbled about the selflessness of Jedi and me in particular and reminded me that I am a refugee.

I am sorry, but I can no longer sit idle while others fight and die. The Empire must be destroyed, and I've been personally asked for. I feel I am desperately needed and I could never ignore a direct call for help.

This trip seems routine, but I've lived long enough to no better than to expect that. Should something happen to me, please do not give in to anger, to hatred, to the Dark Side.

I regret that I must tell you of my departure in this way and not in person, but for reasons I cannot get into, there is no time to find you. Whatever the outcome of this endeavor, however much you end up regretting us or hating me, always remember I loved you, will always love you. And thank you. For the laughter and care you offered when I needed it most, I will forever be grateful.

Your "Dearest" Obi-Wan

Obi-Wan folded the letter neatly and precisely and weighted it down with a few tools used in lightsaber maintenance. He looked around the cellar one last time, ensuring the Jedi information he'd painstakingly gathered was safe, and went back up to his living area. He looked around, suddenly feeling sad as the notion he might not return truly sank in. With a shake of his head and squaring of his shoulders, he left his home and did not look back. Luke was returning, and a Jedi's work was never done. Luke was the future now, and Obi-Wan would do his best to impart what values and skills he could with the time he had.


	2. Aftermath

It had been a couple days now since Asajj had last seen Obi-Wan. This was somewhat troubling. It wasn't just that he wasn't around; he'd given no warning that he'd be unavailable. Of necessity, as well as to maintain separate identities, they had chosen to carry on living separate lives despite their romance. Both of them reasoned it would be better not to attract too much attention to each other by being seen together often. Obi-Wan didn't want to endanger her, and for Asajj's part, there were people who didn't appreciate her sneaking around and knowing things she shouldn't. By tacit agreement, neither of them asked too many questions about individual activities. They volunteered what information they could about the mundane and if they could not meet for some reason, they would make that known either verbally or electronically. All they needed to know was that they fought on the same side. Not the Empire's.

Asajj's unease would not abate, though. Anything could have happened to Obi-Wan. Maybe he was finally caught and was even now being tortured mercilessly as his tormentors jeered at him and cursed his Jedi affiliation. She remembered the horrors of the Clone Wars - Sith lightning, force pikes, Force suppression. No, no. She mustn't panic. She didn't know it to be true. But that was the problem. She knew if Obi-Wan were dead, she'd feel it.

Growling in frustration, she began to run to Obi-Wan's place to see if she could find any clues as to his whereabouts. As she ran, she felt the terror of billions in the Force and skidded to a halt, shocked and rather afraid herself. What in blazes, as Obi-Wan would have said? Kenobi. She began moving again and entered his home. Everything looked in order. It didn't look as though there had been any struggle in or around the place. Maybe he was okay after all. But all that fear. She'd never felt anything like that. Not even when the Jedi were decimated at the end of the Wars. The eerie thing about it was the complete and utter silence afterward.

She took a moment to catch her breath and sat on Obi-Wan's couch. She focused on the Force, trying to pinpoint where the disturbance had come from. But there was no trace now. One could almost believe there had never been a change, except that the impression was not so easily banished. Even the Force seemed shocked. When the Jedi had been killed, there was still a feeling of grief, a sort of echo.

Asajj began meditating in an attempt to find equilibrium. Slowly, she calmed and was soothed. Presently, she got up and looked around the living area and kitchen carefully. Finding nothing in the way of messages, she began to leave, deciding she'd do a more thorough search if Obi-Wan wasn't back in a few more days. But then she felt it. Obi-Wan had been killed. It was like a sudden, painful pull in the Force. She noted, however, that the pain was gone quickly. She deduced he was killed instantly. A mercy, at least.

Asajj sighed heavily. Somehow, she'd known this was how it would end. She knew she'd be alone. Again. And she'd known Obi-Wan well enough to expect him to eventually fight in the Rebellion. It was who he was. A warrior to the end.

Ventress turned away from the door. She glanced at the trapdoor to the cellar. She hadn't considered searching there because he'd never left missives for her there. But this was likely the last time she'd ever come here. If he was no longer going to have use for food or water, she may as well take it, and that's where it was stored.

After salvaging some fruit, vegetables, a couple slices of pie, tea, flatbread, and water, she looked at Obi-Wan's workbench and paused. She'd found his note. She was suddenly afraid to read it. The fact it was written on flimsy rang alarm bells. But she was obligated to read it. She slipped the letter in her pocket, picked up the food and water, and left the cellar. She looked at the table where they'd shared many meals, the couch where they'd had many conversations and tender nights, the meditation mat still on the floor, as though waiting to be used again. With a hitch in her breath, she stepped outside Obi-Wan's door and locked it behind her with a click of finality.

Slowly, head bowed, she trudged home and put away the food. With nothing left to do, she sat on her own couch and opened Obi-Wan's letter. She read it several times over, lingering over the passages about the Dark Side and his love and gratitude. She did feel regret, but not for loving him. She was too sorrowful to yet feel anger or hatred. She wondered what would become of her. How would she get used to a life without him after knowing what it was to have his regard? She found that where before, she would have raged at her own loss, she now just felt weary. She knew she would carry on, as she had so many times before, but she also knew a part of her had died. No, that wasn't quite accurate. It was more like a darkening. Her life had become just a bit less vibrant.

Carefully, she tucked the letter under her pillow and lay down slowly. She wouldn't cry. Not for him. Nevertheless, water filled her eyes as she lay on her stomach, head on her pillow.

"Darling," murmured an all-too-familiar voice.

Ventress's head snapped up and she glared around the room. "Don't play with me, whoever you are. That's a cruel trick."

"When have I ever tricked you? I've always tried to be as honest as possible."

"You're not supposed to be here," Asajj answered a bit roughly.

"I'm not welcome any longer? You truly wish me gone?"

Asajj paused. "No. I meant I'm not supposed to be hearing you, not supposed to be talking to you." She sat up and had her legs over the side of her couch.

"And yet you are." Obi-Wan's Force ghost stood in front of her, serene and peaceful, as though this were any normal conversation.

Asajj reached out to touch Obi-Wan's arm, but of course, she couldn't. She shook her head in confusion and frowned in disappointment.

"Ah. Your senses can deceive you," Obi-Wan intoned in Jedi lecture mode.

Asajj growled at him. "I'm not some Padawan you can just talk down to."

"No? You could have fooled me." Obi-Wan winked at her and smirked. Asajj made to retort, but Obi-Wan held up a hand. "Humor me. What does the Force tell you about me?"

Asajj narrowed her eyes, but found herself reaching out with her intuition. And right before her hovered the Force signature that went with the sometimes teasing, sometimes patronizing attitude. "Obi-Wan, how is this possible? You were killed - I felt it."

"I was killed." Obi-Wan nodded. "But just like everyone who has gone before us, I'm in the Force."

"But I've never heard anyone else speak to me after death."

"That is obscure knowledge only recently rediscovered. As far as I know, only Force-sensitives can learn to commune with the living, and only through selflessness, detachment, and love."

"I don't see much hope for me, then. With those qualities, it's no wonder you've managed it."

"I see much hope for you. I've always seen much hope for you. You could learn this skill if you wished. But even if you do not, you would merge with the Force and we'd be reunited one way or another."

"There is no one left in this galaxy I would need to talk to after death. I don't really mind if I just die the normal way and can see old friends again."

Obi-Wan nodded as though he already expected that answer and took a seat next to Asajj.

Asajj pulled Obi-Wan's letter from under her pillow and waved it at him accusingly. "I was right. You should have stayed home."

"So you were, my dear. But I couldn't. Not in good conscience. And I still cannot tell you why. Not until you are with me in the Force or the Empire falls. Other lives depend on secrecy."

"Obi-Wan, I understand that you trust me and would tell me if you could. But can you tell me what it was I felt before you died? The terror and then the emptiness?"

"That, I'm afraid, was the destruction of Alderaan."

"What?" Asajj exclaimed in disbelief.

"You lost the Nightsisters, I lost the Jedi, and the galaxy has now lost a planet and a population."

There was nothing Asajj could say. She merely stared straight ahead, in stunned horror. "Just when you think it can't get any worse..."

"Indeed."

"And how were you killed, dearest?" Asajj whispered.

"I fell in combat. I believe I was decapitated but can honestly say I didn't really feel it."

Asajj blanched. "You weren't on an Imperial ship, by any chance?"

"A battle station."

"Alone?"

"I didn't go alone, but my mission to disable the tractor beam was executed alone."

"Were you...cornered?"

"Kind of. I certainly couldn't escape."

"Vader," Asajj rasped with certainty.

Obi-Wan blinked. "How...How did you know?"

"Decades ago, I had a vision of you dueling him. It was just the two of you. But I didn't know if it would actually come to pass, so I said nothing."

"That certainly adds another dimension to your complaining about me joining the Rebellion," Obi-Wan murmured.

"It is difficult not to hate or be angry at Vader, you know. But you are here now, so he didn't really succeed in killing you, did he?" She waved the letter again. "So I suppose I can humor you and not give in to the Dark Side."

"That is a great relief. I wasn't sure if I'd speak to you again. What I said is still true." He waved a hand at the letter. "Even if you regret your investment of time and effort in the team we built, I am always yours."

"Even if I had lost you, I would not have regretted my memories of you. Even now, you still think of others. You gave me love and hope at a time I couldn't find either. If you walk with me through the rest of my time here, I'll face the end with courage."

"I cannot promise to always stay by your side. There are others I must help. But when your time to join me is near, I'll be with you. And I'll come talk to you from time to time."

Asajj touched Obi-Wan in the Force and he touched her mind. No words were needed anymore. Asajj would be diminished, but not broken.


End file.
